.45 Caliber Headspace

[…] I’m more concerned about a girl that isn’t a slut. This always means she’s hiding something; like a boyfriend, or a yeast infection, or a penis, or the fact that she’s a crap lay.

I’m still working on some things because Claire’s been cracking the whip on me, but before the week’s out I just wanted to take a minute to first thank Qelqoth for his contribution to the Headspace. He always makes me laugh and I consider it a privilege to have been able to feature him here. [...]

After this post, I will expect nothing short of public humiliation, severe punishment and the hauling of a wooden cross over my shoulder while being whipped to ribbons. Everyone will rejoice as the evil scum is spat at, ridiculed beyond belief for hours upon end. In fact, everyone will see through my [...]

[…] I already knew the guy did time because the only people that work out that much are inmates and gay men. Inmates work out to ward off anal advances and gay men to invite them.

[…] I can’t tell you who these special guests will be, but I can tell you that I would trust them with my blog like I would trust them with my sister, which is to say, I don’t have a sister.

[…] Hi, Emergency? Remember I called four hours ago because a crazy guy busted into my place and told me his cat Elmo said I was gonna kill him? Well, after we grappled for a while, it turned out that Elmo was right after all.

[…] When I got to the theater last night, it was just as dead as I had suspected. There was a line for the concession guy, but I didn’t wait because they always go right through me.

[…] An orgasm is nothing but a reward for fulfilling your primary biological purpose. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Job well done! Enjoy the rest of your evening, and forget about all that other nonsense you were worried about.”

[…] we get to this restaurant and I’m throwin’ elbows. Kids, librarians, whomever; if they’re in my way, they’re goin’ down.

[…] Clueless housewife humor holds no appeal for me. I already know that babies shit everywhere; I don’t need to read the continuing analysis of this supposed amazing revelation 87,000 times/day on Technorati. Just stick the baby’s nose in it and lay some newspaper down. He’ll learn soon enough.