Bloody Birthday
So, tomorrow’s my birthday and I can’t tell you how great it is to be turning 25 again. This is always a great age to be; when the world is still full of hope, promise, and dreams that have yet to be pulverized into a fine, black powder. I am only writing now because if tradition were to be followed, I could expect to be blind for the next 3 days. I think this year will be different, however, since I decided to stop drinking (for a while) 7 months ago now. I haven’t looked back. It was kind of getting old to be waking up all the time with a hangover, in somebody’s bushes, wearing only a thong and an eye patch, and wondering whose ass I was gonna to have to kiss to make up for whatever I did the night before; and also, how the hell I was going to hitch a ride back from Reno without my switchblade.
Well, last week when one of my friends asked me where I wanted to go, I hadn’t really put much thought into it as yet. Since I’m leaving the city soon, she suggested that we get something you can only get in San Francisco. This was a nice idea, but I told her I haven’t been in the mood for syphilis lately. Then I considered going to an Egyptian place I liked before. Last time I was there was prior to this 7 months ago and before long, I had drunk-charmed my way into being friends-for-the-night with half the people in the place, and they were both very cool to hang out with. The owner even pulled me aside at one point and told me that one of his belly dancers had taken a real shine to me. I thought it was so sweet that he was pimping out one of his employees like that. He showed me one of her flyers and said that she was Internationally known. I told him that I was already in the process of making her known locally as well, to me at least. I always like to do my part when I recognize true talent, and this chick could work the finger cymbals like nobody’s business. I don’t really remember what kind of food they had though; aside from being pretty sure it was Egyptian. Still, this didn’t help me.
Next I was thinking about getting some prime rib. Another friend said he heard of a really good place called House of Prime Rib. I’d been to this place before and told him it was $100/plate. He kept staring at me, waiting for a punchline. There wasn’t one. Yeah the place is good, but for 100 bucks, I should be able to eat there all day, while being fed grapes by the cast of She Spies. I think he agreed. Then he asked, “How ‘bout I buy you a lapdance and some Sizzler?” Now we’re talkin’. I didn’t even realize The Sizzler offered lapdances, but I imagine they’d be just as good as the ones at Jumbo’s Clown Room.
Anyhow, in the spirit of yet another 25th, I thought I’d feature more movie marketing bling:
When I last lived in L.A., my roommate was friends with a certain Son of Hollywood, whose name I won’t drop. This kid liked to buy 35mm prints of classic horror flicks, and we’d watch them in a private screening room at his dad’s restaurant. He was mostly into Italian Giallo, but every once in a while we’d peep a gem like this one. Not only does it boast the murder of MTV’s white Julie Brown, but she also happens to be gratuitously naked.
Hooray!!
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Well Happy Bloody Birthday and I think your friends should buy you one lap dance for each year you’ve been alive.
So… that would be, what, 56?
72?
27?
Aww, come on, you can tell me. :)
offendedblogger’s last blog post..The “Church Signs Say the Darndest Things Part 2″ Offensive
Comment made by offendedblogger on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 4:17 pm
I should have started earlier..I am repeating 45..:))
Comment made by robert bourne on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 4:50 pm
I am 25 again this year too :)
When you said Bloody Birthday, I thought you had come over all British.
Claire’s last blog post..1000 Photos! (plus some more)
Comment made by Claire on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 5:22 pm
Oh and it is your birthday now over this side of the pond, so Happy Birthday :)
/blows you a kiss (no tongues,sorry)
Claire’s last blog post..1000 Photos! (plus some more)
Comment made by Claire on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
I wouldn’t be able to walk for a week, because I’m 87 and have osteoporosis.
Well, you can only pull off 25 for so long. I may have to be 26 next year.
I guess that’s why I didn’t come over all British. (How could you give me that. You should know better!)
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 6:10 pm
‘You can only pull off 25 for so long.’
Well, that is one way to celebrate your special day, I suppose!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Lord Likely’s last blog post..Inching Ahead of the Competition
Comment made by Lord Likely on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 6:22 pm
happy birthday,
I call dibs on your story if you have accidental unprotected sex with 2 hookers and a midget though.
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Comment made by regretfulmorning.com on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 7:39 pm
Yes, but your wrist gets tired.
I wouldn’t be too hopeful. This is never accidental.
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 7, 2008 @ 8:53 pm
I may of slipped it in accidentally on purpose therefore making it too easy for you twist, just like this one :)
Claire’s last blog post..1000 Photos! (plus some more)
Comment made by Claire on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 3:48 am
It was kind of getting old to be waking up all the time with a hangover, in somebody’s bushes, wearing only a thong and an eye patch, and wondering whose ass I was gonna to have to kiss to make up for whatever I did the night before; and also, how the hell I was going to hitch a ride back from Reno without my switchblade.
This is precisely WHY I drink. Fun! fun! fun!
Also, happy early birthday!
Jillian’s last blog post..A Few Things Plus Love Songs for the Downtrodden
Comment made by Jillian on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 8:01 am
Awww…Happy 25th *snickering*
Two questions…Will you be wearing your birthday suit? (pfft…like that’s even a question) And can we get pictures?!!
**giving you big birthday hugs dressed as my freaky naughty self of course**
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Comment made by Diamond Digger on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 8:42 am
You are such a young thing… I turn 29 every year myself. Most of the time the alcohol I consume helps me believe its true, and if I ply the people around me with booze as well, they are believers before the night is over.
Anyhoo, as usual your post entertained me. I was especially surprised to know that The Sizzler still exists in certain parts of the country. All the ones I knew of have been condemned. I am equally suprised you have given up drinking. I haven’t reached that level yet. I’m off the cancer sticks, but the liqueur still pours regularly.
So HAPPY FRICKIN BIRTHDAY you old fart! Here’s lookin’ at you and all that jazz….. I’d say break a leg but trust me when I say its better that you don’t…..
petra’s last blog post..A Spoonful of Liqueur Helps the Meds go down…..
Comment made by petra on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 9:58 am
Happy Birthday!!
I keep re-celebrating my 27th birthday… people say soon I will have to upgrade to 29 or 30. I’m not looking forward to that.
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Comment made by Monique on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
Yeah, like that.
You’re actually right on time. Thanks, everyone.
At some point, I’m sure. Check my webcam.
Your scale’s pretty accurate then, if I remember right.
Was going through some pain I had to man up to (not in my leg).
Yeah, I’m pushing it. I dare someone else to tell me, though.
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
Have a good bloody birthday - hookers are on me.
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 3:15 pm
Why do you get all the fun?
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Happy Birthday .45!!!!!!!!!!!
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Comment made by LOBO on Apr. 8, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
Thanks LOBO. Wow, very enthusiastic.
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 9, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
sizzler and a lapdance. i have never seen “class” so clearly and succinctly defined. yet another quality post. happy birthday, man
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Comment made by Blaine Fridley on Apr. 9, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
Happy Belated Birthday..and..Oh..my..frakkin..God! I clicked the link under the clip in error…It’s supposed to go to same movie trailer on the other site…but..holy shi’ite! I just had this overwhelming fear and terror from my past come rushing back to me! When I was 12, myself and a couple friends snuck into the movie.. It’s Alive. (I was an Army Brat living in Frankfurt, Germany at the time). Some GI’s bought the tickets for us and we followed them inside. OMG! I had nightmares from that damned movie for years! I had regular babysitting gig that I quite because of that movie. I walked AROUND draining grates for years because of that movie. I was scared to walk anywhere that it was pitch dark. I think I was 24 or 25 before I watched it again just to face my fear! After watching it as an adult, I realized how silly that movie was and how crappy the “monster baby” really looked..but, nevertheless..I still get this overwhelming sensation. Happy Freakin Birthday and thanks again for forcing me to relive that terror all over again!!!!!
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Comment made by Bob O on Apr. 11, 2008 @ 10:02 pm
Yeah, I ooze that stuff.
I don’t blame you for this fear. Babies are scary. My childhood fear was of ventriloquist dummies. The trailer for that movie “Magic” tormented me for years.
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 14, 2008 @ 4:39 pm