.45 Caliber Headspace

I learned something important this past week.

I learned that I shouldn’t post negative reviews of books on Amazon. When I do, the authors of these books will personally write me to call me a big meanie and make me feel bad. As one who doesn’t like to feel bad, I will pull these negative reviews, yet still feel only marginally better, now knowing that I can no longer trust reviews on Amazon and that I am partly to blame. This makes me feel as cheap and exploited as a two-dollar republican. When authors of poorly reviewed books guilt the reviewers into pulling their reviews; leaving only glowing misguidedness from their friends, their family, or people that watch Grey’s Anatomy; the whole purpose of having reviews in the first place is defeated.

The remaining positive reviews are completely useless to me. As one who appreciates help in being directed to things I may enjoy, I am saddened to know that I can no longer find this help on Amazon, unless fool enough to seek guidance from people that get all clean and fuzzy over nonsense. Granted, I didn’t have to pull my review, thus contributing to the lack of helpfulness—there was no .45 to my head, forcing me into self-preservation mode. I just don’t like being called a big meanie, as if I were some dirty-knuckled playground bully. This is crossing the line. If she had only called me a motherfucking ass clown, I could have let it go, though not without suggesting she have her Tourette’s checked out. This may have indicated a need to increase the dosage of whatever it is that Tourette’s people use to medicate. Vocabulary?

Rest assured, however, that when I do now take the time to write a review, without fear of detention, you can be guaranteed that whatever I have reviewed could only be “the shit”. In experiencing the things that I have reviewed, your life will be enhanced beyond any wild, extravagant promises of an extra millimeter. These things will make you feel awesome. That said, be alert for “45 Caliber Recommendations” to come.

p.s. Don’t forget to give this post a positive review!!!