Live Free or Ask .45
Yes, it’s time once again for another heart-warming installment of “Ask .45”. For those that are not yet familiar with this format, you should consider yourselves lucky—until now. “Ask .45” is where I take the time to respond to some of my missed seach queries. This is because I hate to see anyone leave here emptyhanded, and also, they fucking crack me up.
- sounds like you need some 45 caliber
- You’re telling me. Wait, why are you telling me?
- testicles have gone numb
- Have you tried rubbing some pussy on them?
- white people are dangerous
- This has been true for well over four score and seven years now. It’s okay, though. The day will soon be upon us when Whitey will officially be outnumbered. This is largely due to crystal meth and inbreeding.
- best way to get laid on your birthday
- repeatedly
- i m a slut whore
- I’m free after this post.
- .45 caliber movie
- First they want “.45 caliber t shirts”, now they want a movie. Everyone’s gonna have to calm down, I’m just getting warmed up. Anyway, I expect to be in the casting couch phase of pre-production for quite some time.
- my sister is getting laid
- I’m sorry to hear that. What happens next is: she’ll start nailing your friends, but your friends will find out that she’s also nailing half the football team—girls tend to hit the ground running. Your friends will then take it out on you, and you’ll suffer continual beatings until you’re able to move away to college. This will feel like an eternity if you’re close in age, since girls are having sex by age 12 these days (according to an HBO documentary).
- he jizzed in my mouth
- This must be the sister. You’re gonna want to get used to that sweetie, because as you’ll learn, the real way to a man’s heart is through your stomach.
- shitting panties trailers
- Jumbo’s Clown Room isn’t really where strippers go to die. They’re only allowed to work there until they become too incontinent to perform. When this happens, they are sent to one of these, usually among their peers in a shitting panties trailer park. See also: “white people are dangerous”
- making of a slut
- 1 part alcohol, 2 parts low self-esteem. Chill until ready to serve.
- can i jump rope if i am pregnant
- You can, but you’re baby will come out sounding like Katherine Hepburn.
- testicular self mutilation subculture
- See: The Cult of Qelqoth
On a serious note: An old friend asked me to spread the word about a family that needs your help. “Three of their kids have needs: Jackson is autistic, Kiki has cystic fibrosis, and Alli had a liver transplant (from her dad).” The family had been chosen as finalists by ABC for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, but had run into bureaucratic bottlenecks locally that caused them to get passed over. These issues have since been resolved and this website is dedicated to trying to get ABC to come back and do their house. By just going to the website and clicking on an already written statement, you will be helping the cause. It’s literally only 3 clicks. How could it be any easier to help a struggling and deserving family? Well, you can also help to further rally support by giving the site a Stumble. My friend has taught one of the children for 5 years. (Hopefully ABC doesn’t read this post.)
- StumbleUpon |
- Digg |
- Del.ico.us |
Ask 45 is back! I am not asking you nothing. Looks like you got the testicle thing right. I will click on your link though. But when they come to makeover my double wide I expect to get a vote too.
ettaroses last blog post..Accidents and Vacations Go Hand In Hand…..For Me
Comment made by ettarose on May. 18, 2008 @ 3:46 am
You drop knowledge like sledge hammers. I for one just looked at those questions with a sideways head (you know like a confused German Shepard). Fine job!
RegretfulMornings last blog post..Regretful Submission - Bare feet n’ Baby Batter
Comment made by RegretfulMorning on May. 18, 2008 @ 9:38 am
Your wisdom knows no bounds.
Unlike some of your visitors, clearly.
Lord Likelys last blog post..The Cockney Slapper
Comment made by Lord Likely on May. 18, 2008 @ 10:07 am
As long as your double wide isn’t a shitting panties trailer. If so, you’ve already reached the end of the line.
Knowledge is power, and someday this site may even power a lightbulb. Unfortunately, it costs 5 Iraqi lives/hour to keep the servers running.
This is also true of my tact.
Comment made by .45 on May. 18, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
My love, you just give and give and give. When will it stop?
Deb on the Rockss last blog post..The Ballet, The Ass and Other Mallerina Bulges
Comment made by Deb on the Rocks on May. 18, 2008 @ 4:59 pm
When I saw the title of this post I thought we were going to get to ask you questions. Although I doubt I could come up with anything that amusing.
Oh have stumbled that site, because I love that programme and the kids sound great.
Claires last blog post..Play with me!
Comment made by Claire on May. 18, 2008 @ 6:45 pm
testicles have gone numb
Have you tried rubbing some pussy on them?
LOL. This is guaranteed to keep me laughing for a dew days, or at least smirking a bit.
Jillians last blog post..A College Scholarship for the Average Joe
Comment made by Jillian on May. 18, 2008 @ 8:39 pm
That’s a good question. I keep getting cease and desist letters, but I use them to make papier-mâché busts of Aristotle.
I noticed, thank you. They said the were hoping to get 20K clicks, but didn’t seem to be utilizing the tools of the trade.
I hope I was able to help him.
Comment made by .45 on May. 18, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
A twisted degenerate with a sense of humor and a big heart - my kinda guy!
I went over and send a comment. Hopefully they’ll get enough attention to change ABC’s mind.
Mickies last blog post..A Letter from the National Resources Defense Council Regarding Polar Bears
Comment made by Mickie on May. 19, 2008 @ 10:25 am
I am more confused now then when I stopped in for a visit. I think I need another shot of tequila…..
petras last blog post..IronMan: Because Heroes aren’t Born, they’re Built
Comment made by petra on May. 19, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
“Twisted Degenerate” would’ve been a great name for this site. I could’ve weeded out the uptight marshmallows long ago. Also, my heart had to be big in order to pump enough blood to my, erm, head (and thanks for following the link).
Just go easy on the self-esteem.
Comment made by .45 on May. 19, 2008 @ 9:31 pm
You have inspired me to do my own “ask The Offended Blogger” now because between you and me, I get some REALLY FREAKY search terms leading people to my blog.
Don’t worry, I will gratuitously link back to “Ask .45″ when I do mine. :)
offendedbloggers last blog post..The "So, are you one of THEM??!" Offensive
Comment made by offendedblogger on May. 20, 2008 @ 3:56 pm
I think between the testicle mutilation, dangerous white people and sluts galore, you have the makings of an AWESOME movie. See? Maybe those people searching for a .45 caliber movie were on to something. I’m off to go google search the most bizarre things I can think of, thanks for the springboard …
Melissas last blog post..The WWF Has Some ‘Splainin To Do
Comment made by Melissa on May. 21, 2008 @ 11:37 pm
I didn’t exactly invent it either, but I do get a kick out of them; and you’re welcome to be gratuitous with me anytime. Also, these are a proven way to offend people. ;)
I’ll look forward to seeing you in my search logs.
Comment made by .45 on May. 22, 2008 @ 10:45 pm
Ya gots a mighty fine humorous blog going on .45. Full of filth, sarcasm and utter insanity. Keep up the goddam jolly good work. You’re quite the goddam good samaritan or something with your answering of vital questions such as these. I must now light my doob and ponder your wonderous ramblings and then search for porn later into the night.
Farewell and God Bless
Drop by sometime in my world for more sick ass musings
Kellys last blog post..Weirdness Aplenty Around Here
Comment made by Kelly on May. 29, 2008 @ 7:35 pm
Mediocre. Nice layout, thats about it. Oh waaah you hate women, oh men are so great. Prety sure Dick Masterson, Tucker Max, and a million other better bloggers beat you to the punch.
Comment made by blah on Jun. 3, 2008 @ 10:49 am
I’ll have to remember that for my tombstone.
Glad you like the layout. I spent as little time on it as possible; and I actually love women, especially drunk and slutty ones. I don’t know whom these people you mention are, but thanks for their Google traffic. Dick Masterson, Tucker Max: I’ll even mention them again to further boost relevance on your spamming of this comment across posts.
Comment made by .45 on Jun. 3, 2008 @ 8:23 pm