Mötley Crüe 4-Eva
The other day while I was shuffling about, some zombie eating an arm told me there was a movie playing called Diary of the Dead. When I heard this, I was fit to be tied by rednecks, as you can clearly see in this most recent satellite imagery below. I mean, how in the bloody entrails did somebody get a hold of my diary—the one with the pink frilly cover that I etched “Mötley Crüe 4-Eva” into? It had a plastic heart padlock on it and everything, which, I have to say, I was EXTREMELY disappointed in. I knew they didn’t have the key, because I tucked it safely away in my ribcage. Well, before I lost my head, I figured I should at least go see the movie for myself. I was really hoping it didn’t mention my torrid affair with Marylin Monroe. The poor dead girl’s been through enough already; and she’s been really fragile lately, as you can imagine.
When I got to the theater last night, it was just as dead as I had expected. There was a line for the concession guy, but I didn’t wait because they always go right through me. I found a seat where there was plenty of room to put my feet up next to me, but otherwise I just tried to hold myself together while waiting for the movie to start. To my relief, this movie wasn’t specifically about me at all. It was just about a bunch of breathers driving around in an RV trying to get footage of senseless zombie rekilling. They wanted to upload this footage to a MySpace and a YouTube. Breathers seem to waste a lot of their precious lives doing things like this. To each their own, I guess.
Most of the movie made my stomach turn, but I was able to turn it back. There was one scary scene with a deaf and dumb Amish guy, which I usually find to be especially tasty because of their free-range diet, but this one ran around rekilling zombies with a reaper and sticks of dynamite. Luckily, he was inexplicably slower than us and didn’t last long. My favorite scene was where a dead clown shows up at a children’s birthday party and eats the Dad’s face. I damn near laughed my ass off, and some stiff behind me literally fell out of his chair. This scene made the whole movie worth my time away from eating brains, but watching all those breathers did make me hungry. Just in time for the bars to be letting out.
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I’m looking forward to seeing Romero’s latest zombie flick although I really can’t stop laughing over the title.
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Comment made by Qelqoth on Mar. 15, 2008 @ 4:03 am
I can’t think of a more appropriate place for dead clowns. I love zombies.
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Comment made by Jillian on Mar. 15, 2008 @ 10:53 am
I couldn’t stop laughing over the MySpace product placement. Who needs studio backing when you have MySpace.
They love you too, with ketchup.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 15, 2008 @ 11:50 am
I overheard someone at the cinema ordering tickets for DAIRY of the Dead.
Now that is a film I would pay good money to see. Or even bad money.
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Comment made by Fanton on Mar. 15, 2008 @ 7:48 pm
Even after booze and time to reflect, the image of the dead clown eating a dads face still makes me feel sick! curse you and your imagery :(
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Comment made by Claire on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 7:07 am
That’s Romero’s next sponsor. The zombies all have milk mustaches.
Zap!
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
wow even after lots of booze I need to come here and get zapped! :)
Claire’s last blog post..Today I will mostly be….
Comment made by Claire on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 5:39 pm
That’s actually one of the most popular times to get zapped.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
Why is it that Zombies always go for the adults? Is there an unwritten rule that says kids are off limits?? Dawn of the Dead is the only time I recall a zombie kid….. I would imagine they taste alot like veal….. tender and juicy. Not like some cuts of the cow……….
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Comment made by Petra on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 6:54 pm
For some reason, it’s considered bad form to kill children and seniors in horror movies; perhaps because their tickets are cheaper. In my horror flick, there will be no ‘tweeners killed, just kids and the elderly.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 17, 2008 @ 7:18 pm
And be sure to lay off the dogs… I hate that the dogs always get killed… what’s up with that when there is a tasty 12 year old running around stealing money from the wallets of the unsuspecting???
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Comment made by Petra on Mar. 18, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Okay, but hellhounds are still fair game.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 18, 2008 @ 11:12 pm