To Protect and Serve
I live in a neighborhood where people like to get to know each other from the safety of darkened windows. It’s the kind of loose-knit community that pretty much any reasonable person would be happy to avoid at all costs. You only need to lock three of the locks on each of your doors at night; and if you were ever to get jumped while walking home, you can rest assured that not a single one of your neighbors would call the police because they know the police have given up. I don’t even know why we have police in the city. I’ve never once seen them intervene on an actual crime, including the three times in my life I’ve had to call them.
Isn’t it time they consider changing their motto of “To Protect and Serve” to something a little more accurate like “To Probably Not Show”? At least then people wouldn’t have such unreasonably high expectations. “Hi, Emergency? Remember I called four hours ago because a crazy guy busted into my place and told me his cat Elmo said I was gonna kill him? Well, after we grappled for a while, it turned out that Elmo was right after all. No, it’s cool. He just stabbed me twice before I got the advantage. I know how busy the cops are, though, with all their traffic stops and everything. I hope they really stuck it to some illegal U-Turners tonight.”
No, I didn’t really kill the guy and it was actually my roommate that Elmo was talking about, but the point is that the cops never showed, even after calling them back numerous times. The guy eventually passed out and some neighbors helped us get him out of our place. Barely two weeks later he broke into another house on the street and smashed everything in it with a shovel. This was to prevent the stereo and blender and whatnot from becoming demons, I was later told. While I’m glad he was saving this realm from the demons we couldn’t see, the poor woman that lived there was actually hiding in her closet throughout this. She had to put up a 10-foot high fence after and is never going to get that nightmare out of her head; all because the cops couldn’t be bothered responding to our emergency calls two weeks before. Of course, there’s a lot more to that story, like the fact that the guy was my landlord, but I’m trying to get out of the habit of writing too much and having people’s eyes glaze over. Don’t talk to me about landlord troubles, though.
As it is, I’ve already gone way off my original topic because I dislike cops so much, and there’s no going back. Another time.
- StumbleUpon |
- Digg |
- Del.ico.us |
I remember the first time I ever had to call 9-1-1. I almost lost it when they asked, “Can you hold?”
Also, if the cop that gave me a j-walking ticket is reading this: YOU SUCK.
I didn’t think Officers seriously gave those out.
Jillian’s last blog post..Why Some Things Are Worth It: How Being Frugal Can Backfire
Comment made by Jillian on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 12:21 am
It’s exactly the same over here buddy. My theory is that it’s some form of hereditary illness and only those who lack common sense are allowed to enter the police force.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Brendon Urie In Backdoor Scandal
Comment made by Qelqoth on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 4:09 am
Problem: mad axeman breaking into your house.
Further problem: if you call the police and tell them there’s a mad axeman breaking into your house they won’t bother coming.
Solution: phone the police and tell them there’s a drunk driver speeding up and down outside your house.
The police can’t fine a mad axeman but speeding drunks are a goldmine. They have to prioritise. They’re protecting their pensions and serving their own interests. It’s part of the police code. I thought everyone knew that.
Comment made by Mark on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 9:34 am
I’ve gotten a couple of these. It’s a joke, but a sad one. I actually got a ticket for being in a crosswalk after the “Don’t Walk” light had changed. The ticket was $55 and the light was on a traffic-less side street. The cop also threatened to take me to the station because I didn’t have my driver’s license. I was like, “I don’t have my driver’s license because I’m fucking walking, you tool.” Luckily, the friend I was with was a lawyer. I recommend always having a lawyer present when dealing with cops. We still got tickets though, and that light was gone the next time I was there.
I think moreso it’s just that they’ll take anybody they can get, which is already slim pickings.
Though I’m also afraid of speeding drunks, it does seem that the most finable call takes precedence. This is another reason I don’t drive anymore. Too damn expensive and you’re always likely to get hassled by cops.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 11:21 am
$55? You got off easy! Mine was $100 AND it was 3AM when I crossed and NO OTHER cars on the street. Meh.
Jillian’s last blog post..Cuz Tonight Baby, I Wanna Get Freaky With You…
Comment made by Jillian on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 1:49 pm
Tis a dark post indeed, sorry they have let you down on numerous occasions :(
Claire’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Comment made by Claire on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
Maybe you should have told them your cat was divulging murderous conspiracies. This seems to scare cops off.
Sorry Claire. It didn’t start that way, but even I can’t make light of everything, try as I may.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
LOL… you know, the only reason the cop said anything to us was because some Harpy he was giving a ticket to kept going on and on about how we deserved one as well. He stopped us and said he technically couldn’t cite us because he didn’t see it happen. We were like, “Awesome!” But just as we were celebrating, his partner pulls up in their car saying he saw us do it and gave him the OK to write us up. What the…??!
Jillian’s last blog post..Cuz Tonight Baby, I Wanna Get Freaky With You…
Comment made by Jillian on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
I know you cant be sweetness and light all the time :)
Claire’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Comment made by Claire on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 5:31 pm
mmmmm…Harpy. Sometimes I have tunnelvision.
You should’ve kept the pipe on the DL a little longer.
Must be time for a Zap!
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
You are very perceptive :)
Claire’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Comment made by Claire on Mar. 19, 2008 @ 7:10 pm
If this fellow truly believed there were demons in the blender, then surely it would have made more sense to simply turn the blender on, rather than attack it with a shovel? The nut-bar.
Lord Likely’s last blog post..Lord Likely Gets Dirty
Comment made by Lord Likely on Mar. 21, 2008 @ 1:54 am
I noticed that.
You’re right. He obviously wasn’t thinking clearly.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 21, 2008 @ 2:49 am
Based on past experiences, I cannot imagine any circumstance where I would call the police for anything.
If the days of “Serve and Protect” ever existed in the first place, they are long, long gone …
Great post!
LOBO’s last blog post..Playing With Matches
Comment made by LOBO on Mar. 21, 2008 @ 3:56 pm
Hey, thanks. Once in a while I worry I’m falling too far from format, which is why I reeled it in here.
Comment made by .45 on Mar. 22, 2008 @ 3:16 am