Tokyo Struck With Epic WTF
Tokyo, Japan — To a classically orchestrated soundtrack, a giant robot creature fell to Earth, attacking denizens of Tokyo with some kind of freaky light show. The blinding lasers, akin to that of a Jean Michel Jarre performance, sent the Japanese people into fits of epileptic rage as they were burned to dust by this intergalactic death machine.
Even more worrying was the flying squid beast that came out of nowhere. With tentacles aplenty writhing around, it attempted to defend the city against the giant robot menace. The squid creature let out a mighty, “RAWWWWWWR” prior to unleashing a beam of light at the robot, sending it hurtling into some building on the other side of the city.
The robot then retaliated by doing some silly Power Ranger dance which caused it to transform into a giant fish robot with a massive gun on its head. The squid creature, recoiling from a sporadic discharge of gunfire, summoned an army of lesser squids to take down the firearm so that the epic battle could continue.
It was around this time where a flying shark man in a yellow cape yodelled in the distance before joining the battle on his super charged unicycle. The caped crusader then launched an array of electric eels and Kanji at the robot, much to the approval of the giant squid thing. Damaged and screaming in pain, the robot uttered something in Japanese before flying back off into outer space.
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Some news reports have stated that this incident assures us that there is life out there in the universe. On the other hand, other sources have speculated that The Cult of Qelqoth is just a sordid haven of LSD munching goons and that these people should not be trusted with journalism under any circumstances.
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I know, I know. I’m fucking awesome.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers.
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 3:17 am
This all could have been prevented if only someone had restocked the soiled panty vending machines.
There sure have been a lot of seafood creatures about lately. I’m glad you reported this. We never would have known here because Americans hate the Japanese, unless sushi and karate are somehow involved.
Thanks Qelqoth!
Comment made by .45 on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 3:51 am
Certainly don’t get this kind of excitement in America.
Jillian’s last blog post..When Horribly Wrong is the Opposite of Good
Comment made by Jillian on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 4:46 am
You think that’s weird? Check this crap out:
http://yoga.at.infoseek.co.jp/flash/kikkomaso_e.htm
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers.
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 5:32 am
How about this for excitement?
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/mikomiko
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers.
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 5:33 am
My God, I thought there was another war coming. Don’t fuck with the Cult, man.
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Comment made by ettarose on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 6:57 am
O…M….G. That was awesome. Excuse me while I watch it a 100 more times. Sounds like they are saying “fuck him in the ass” though. I mean that’s what I hear.
Jillian’s last blog post..When Horribly Wrong is the Opposite of Good
Comment made by Jillian on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 6:57 am
I tell everyone this, just to make sure their drink the Flavor Aid.
Word. Now drink your fucking Flavor Aid. ;)
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 6:59 am
Why thank you Jillian. It’s really pleasing to know that I am…
…swept under the carpet in favour of some silly viral video. Gee, thanks a bunch.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 7:01 am
“sordid haven of LSD munching goons”
We Qelqoth followers prefer the term LSDMG’s and we are quite enlightened.
Oh, and I’m sorry for all the needless death and destruction…but the light show was still pretty friggin’ awesome!
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Comment made by Diamond Digger on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
Qelqoth is my new false prophet. :)
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Comment made by offendedblogger on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
Was this Scallop Man? or that Bloc Party video?
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Comment made by Claire on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
There is a lack of Anime Hiroshima re-enactments in modern society.
As long as I’m doing my part, that’s the main thing.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 11:27 pm
False? This shit be real, yo.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 11:28 pm
It was a vision from inside Terri Schiavo’s head.
Qelqoth’s last blog post..Shaman Lynched By Villagers
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 18, 2008 @ 11:29 pm
Qelqoth, I think you just ate some bad sushi. I hope you feel better now. :)
Comment made by Chelle B. on Apr. 19, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
Umm… have I missed something? (blond head tilt)
Oh - must be the LSD…
Seriously, I bet this was even better than the Disney World lightshow. Ya think?!
Comment made by kimbathewhitelioness on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 6:19 am
Read this all the way through and was thinking, wtf!–has .45 gone and lost 50 IQ points overnight?! Then I saw it was a guest post. Then I saw who the guest was. Made sense then. Actually I must admit I am impressed that the cultman can actually do two (or perhaps even more) things at once. Not bad though. I mean, not so good had it been .45, but not all that bad for the big Q. Just sayin’…
Anybody get what he was trying to say, though?
Comment made by Relax Max on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 10:14 am
This would explain my irrational fear of Jean Michel Jarre.
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 2:24 pm
Yes, it was. ;)
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Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
Beats me. I don’t even remember being here.
Qelqoths last blog post..Reader Submission: Drug Companies Force Dealers To Strike
Comment made by Qelqoth on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
silly power ranger dance = underrated
Comment made by regretfulmorning.com on Apr. 20, 2008 @ 2:38 pm