[…] after convincing myself that it sounded more like a facial money shot (a very hetero facial money shot), I streaked across the street (while dripping wet) and retrieved the Crème Douche.
Flagged for ‘cops’
Bustin’ Up Car Thieves
[…] I already knew the guy did time because the only people that work out that much are inmates and gay men. Inmates work out to ward off anal advances and gay men to invite them.
To Protect and Serve
[…] Hi, Emergency? Remember I called four hours ago because a crazy guy busted into my place and told me his cat Elmo said I was gonna kill him? Well, after we grappled for a while, it turned out that Elmo was right after all.
Party Like It’s 2011
[…] I don’t carry a phone because it makes it too easy for the sleeper cells I infiltrate to zero in on my location after I’ve sabotaged their operations. This always makes chicks both impressed and afraid for my safety.
Disembodied White Head
[…] Fact is, the sun and I don’t have a good relationship. We went out for a while, things got messy and now I have a restraining order. The sun is no longer allowed to come within 20 yards of me.
