[…] I haven’t been to a doctor in years, aside from semi-regular STD screenings that are necessary for me to continue having promiscuous sex. Even to get these screenings, I must first prove that I am high-risk by bringing photos of myself having IV drug sex with rabid monkeys.
Flagged for ‘marriage’
Party Like It’s 2011
[…] I don’t carry a phone because it makes it too easy for the sleeper cells I infiltrate to zero in on my location after I’ve sabotaged their operations. This always makes chicks both impressed and afraid for my safety.
