[…] I already knew the guy did time because the only people that work out that much are inmates and gay men. Inmates work out to ward off anal advances and gay men to invite them.
Flagged for ‘neighbors’
To Protect and Serve
[…] Hi, Emergency? Remember I called four hours ago because a crazy guy busted into my place and told me his cat Elmo said I was gonna kill him? Well, after we grappled for a while, it turned out that Elmo was right after all.
I Called Her .22
[…] They said they didn’t know for dogs, but were plenty knowledgeable about internet sex slavery, selling “decommissioned” warheads to jealous Muslims, and smuggling conflict diamonds for the De Beers Corporation.
They Looked at Me in Spanish
[…] I got my drink and noticed it was laced with Spanish Fly, so I had nine more. When nobody tried to violate me after two hours, however, I started getting restless watching Telemundo.
