[…] I haven’t been to a doctor in years, aside from semi-regular STD screenings that are necessary for me to continue having promiscuous sex. Even to get these screenings, I must first prove that I am high-risk by bringing photos of myself having IV drug sex with rabid monkeys.
Flagged for ‘painkillers’
They Looked at Me in Spanish
[…] I got my drink and noticed it was laced with Spanish Fly, so I had nine more. When nobody tried to violate me after two hours, however, I started getting restless watching Telemundo.
The Wig Smelled Like Fear
[...] When we finally reached the city I call, “The Place I’m Stuck”, and my ointment had run out, I waved good riddance to Pepé and rubbed the scar on my side, feeling warmly reminiscent of the kidney I lost in Guatemala
